Quite the life I've carved out for myself

So basically I don't know what I'm doing in the next 15 minutes, but I have beirut tournaments lined up every weekend for the next month. I spend waaaaaayyy too much thinking of team names, too. Last time I was "it puts the lotion in the basket," and coming up I got "Troy's bucket (it's all over the second you ride up it)," "Because I Like to Drill Holes" (holla blog!), and coming up, "Lefty Gomez & Red Ruffing." I think subconsciously I come up with these names as a way of weeding out the cool people. Anyone who hears one of those names who recognizes it, I'm hooked. See, my friends think I do this as a way of like avoiding contact with people: "You know no one's ever going to pick up on them. Maybe the silence of the lambs one, but do you really want to meet the guy who's into cannibalism?"

In other news, I'm watching America's Next Top Model right now, and I would LOVE to meet the person who decided ugly people are beautiful! They pick these busted chicks who look like the tail end of a bulldog, and all of sudden, they're "different" and "unique." Just because your eyes are set on opposite sides of your face does not make you pretty. it makes you look like a dinosaur. But I admit, I'm watching it anyway because nothing's better than watching girls stare each other up and down and act way more "bubbly" then they really are. Actually the white chicks act all "What! This is how I ALWAYS am! I'm always upbeat, I'm just, like, a happy person!" and all the black chicks have like 3 kids and weird hair and they cry all the time about how tough their life has been, but Tyra Banks has been an inspiration to them. (Shut up I'm not racist. You watch the show and try to tell me any of those chicks are even remotely cute. And I'm not making that stuff up about them having children and criminal records. Seriously.)

Sports Illustrated has this column, "You know it's the apocalypse when..." I think some chick magazine should have the same column and leading it off, "Tyra Banks has been an inspiration to quit drugs."

I kinda feel like a real life spectator of America's Next Top Model whenever I go out. And I walk into a bar and every single chick there is looking each other up and down and up and down. And they all hate each other until they're hammered in a bathroom and then all of a sudden, everyone's lip glass/eyeliner/shoes would look SO GOOD on them!

But actually going to bars is so much better than television America's Next Top Model because in real life, fat is fat. Pretty is pretty. There's no "normal sized" and "naturally pretty." When you're at a crowded bar, the fat girls are fat, not "normal sized." And if natalie portman or rachel leigh cook walked into a bar, before they were dubbed "naturally pretty," they would be the pasty girls in the corner talking about the their boyfriends they met on friendster.com.

ANTM update: all the black people are crying again. I have no idea why.