Why ESPN should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell

Would you like a cookie, son?

And they say that Yankee fans...

are fair weather?

Yes, they're both different writers. Yes, Yankee fans are finally feeling some relief after pulling our hair out for a few weeks. But as far as I know, Yankee fans never ever said, "Well that's it, the season's done for us." And then when we started getting a couple of W's under our belts, change our tune to, Let me back on the bandwagon!!

No one ever left. It drives me crazy that ESPN is billed as the sports authority, when really they are the equivalent of someone at a dog tricks show calling out specific commands to the dog as the dog is already doing it: ("Go chase that fly! umm..Walk towards the man holding the bowl of bacon!)--Yeah i know, my analogies are getting weirder and weirder. that's how I roll.

But seriously, ESPN will be all, "Hmm I have a HUNCH that Tejada is going to turn the Orioles around" but only when the Orioles are in the midst of a winning streak. They change their tune to coincide with the current trends, and then act as if they are clairvoyant when really they are just the worst kind of manipulative bandwagoners.

The Mavs are going to win the whole series. Now that I said that, of course, they will lose. But seriously, I like the Mavs. Despite the fact Stoudemire is just ridiculous and the suns have that whole MVP thing going on. (And by the way, he completely deserved MVP over Shaq. Shaq may be the most powerful force on the court, but Nash did more for his team than Shaq did. Meaning "most valuable" to me translates to things like assists.) If anything, on Miami Dwayne Wade was more valuable to Shaq than Shaq was for Miami.)

I'm just saying is all.

Also, this past weekend I went to Shea. Nice stadium, beautiful day. Less volatile than the stadium of the Yankee persuasion. No way jumped me for wearing a Yankee hat, and I didnt get vertigo sitting in the upper tiers, but I'll still take my Bronx home over it.

Saw "The Bachelor" aka charlie O'connell at a bar on thursday night. Had no idea who this guy was. Girls kept saying, Look it's the Bachelor! And i was like, "Who would have a bachelor party here?"

"No, no.It's THE bachelor."

So I thought that meant it was just like a really hot bachelor. But apaprently it's the guy from the TV show.

I slept til 5pm today. Last night was lunacy for a million reasons. I think a car may have exploded on my block or something because I heard the loudest noise I've ever heard in my life ever. Oh and this was about 10 minutes after I witness a car accident about 3 blocks away. Never actually SEEN a car accident occur in real time. Very scary. It was probably nature's way of telling me I should go to bed instead of get after it til 6am. Now I have to deal with that gross Sunday night feeling of having the weekend flash back in bits and pieces. Most of which involves me arguing with strangers about sports. The first sign I'm hammered=getting inexplicably fired up about sports issues I would normally not even care about. Apparently Craig Counsell was a hot topic of debate for me this weekend. There's something wrong with me.

It's also about 2302039423 degrees in my fine top story apt. Which is making this distilled Sunday feeling ever more lethargic. BUT on the plus side, I'm getting kind of fired up about taking a cold shower.

I'm so adept at trotting out the whole optimism thing. No joke.