Wow. And I thought I was nuts....

It's one thing to roll your eyes at superfluous Rounders references, it's another thing to dedicate a site to firing the loser.

Don't know what to make of this, just came across it. At first I laughed, half because someone is even more insane than me, half because there are only 6 signatures here. And then I was like, aww who cares. My mom gave me a book for my birthday a few years ago, like one of those "Finding Happiness" or like Anna Quindlen's Guide to Life or something of that Mother-Daughter gift giving ilk. And there's a line in it that says, "Run your own race." While I don't normally subscribe to any kind of wisdom purported in books that during my time as Barnes and Noble employee I would file under Self-Help, I like this line. Which is why I finally decided the site is weird. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. Run your own race.

Last night, some chick taps the guy I was talking to on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, people are trying to stand here." As if me and the dude were flapping around and dancing and taking up 10 square feet of bar floor space, when in fact we were just standing at the anchor of the bar doing nothing but drinking Red Stripe. And THEN, THE PSYCHO HOSEBEAST TAKES ME BY THE SHOULDERS AND PUSHES ME BACKWARDS and says, "You too."

I was spitting nails, there was literally steam coming out of my ears. She had a backpack on. Not one of those Kelly Taylor early 90's purse/backpacks. I mean, a full-fledged jansport stuff to the zippers. And we weren't exactly in a bar that this type of dress was appropriate (not that there are many L.L. Bean themed bars in the Lower East Side. Or anywhere at all). But we were at one of those trendy bars that I got roped into going to where I was borderline concerned my sneakers would prevent me from getting in. Regardless. My sister said she would have punched her. Which she probably would have. I was actually about to go my standard non-violent approach. The Ghandi-style method of going up to her and apologizing for taking up so much space, and then suggesting that in the future, to avoid these types of real estate issues in bars she should either leave the backpack or start making some trips to the salad bar.

With chicks, that type of comment is fatal. I could have leveled her that alone. BUT i decided to run my own race, and just stare at her icily until she started getting uncomfortable and went to the downstairs part of the bar.

So I'm still trying to get my head around why she had a backpack on. I saw actually a few people last night sporting this look. I think there was some Grateful Dead cover band playing downtown. And for some reason, back when I was always going to those String Cheese, Disco Biscuits, Trey Anastasio, etc. concerts, everyone there wore backpacks. I didn't understand it then either. And I always felt like everyone there was looking at me like, who the hell is this chick? she's all showered and shit. My college roommate got big into following this band Brothers Past around, and she came home after a week with no shoes and with this skirt that looked like it was made from recycled middle school bathroom paper towels. Those stiff brown ones.

A backpack may have been involved too. We all figured she traded her shoes for the skirt. A la Dumb and dumber style:

"Just when I think you can't POSSIBLY get any stupider. You do something like this...AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF."

Maybe she was running her own race too.