This guy right here...

...is completely nuts

But since I have a completely skewed sense of humor, I think the funniest part of this story is the reasoning Frank Bolton gave for taking him under his wing. It's nice to know someone out there is using good old fashioned morals to make signing decisions.

There's just so much you could do with this information. For starters, imagine what the Pope would indeed do if faced with the decision on whether or not to sign Rocker. Can you imagine the new Pope being all, 'I'm not a substitute teacher, you can't pull a fast one over me. This serious business." And then softening a little and being like, 'Welllll...I guess God DOES have a weakness for manic closers from the South."

And THEN, reminiscient of the scene from Dumb and Dumber when Harry and Lloyd are stopping for hitchhikers...the Pope gleefully chirps, "PICK him UP!!!"

Actually when you think about it, the Pope probably WOULDN'T sign Rocker, because I'm pretty sure a few of Rocker's rants might conflict with the Catholic teachings. I can't imagine the Pope being wild about bringing on board to his team a guy who's spit out more racial and derogatory comments than the Confederate Army.

See, this is how bizarre that statement was. The fact that I'm actually considering the Pope's scouting preferences at 9:30am is testament enough to the fact that nothing about it makes sense.

In other news, we're blessed with another witticism of unsubstantiated arrogance from our favorite gimp pitcher.

Lou Piniella just wrote himself into my will with his response. On the subway ride over to work today, (which took about 90 minutes because of a "rare situation in Brooklyn") I was thinking about how I could make use of that comeback. Like if someone said to me, "Noooo, the O.C. is a repeat tonight, not a fresh new episode!" I could volley back, "Listen, what I forgot about the O.C., you'll never know."

I'm telling my dad about this one. He's always on the lookout for new shots he can use in online poker rooms. I'm being completely serious. I was giving him a few but they were more "my generation," I guess. Like that line from the Usher song: "Take that and rewind it back." He was looking for something a little more poetic and less sharp, I think. So finally I gave him maybe the cheesiest one of all. I can't even remember where I heard it, maybe a Babysitter's Club book from pre-teen years of something: "I'd continue this battle of wits, but I can see you're unarmed."

And Dad, being my Dad, loved it. I wonder if he used it. If he had, I'd had loved to be a [virtual] fly on that [cyberspace] wall.

Anyways, I've been bad about posting lately because I've been working til all hours. Actually, I think from now on, I'm using this "rare situation in Brooklyn" line as my go-to excuse for delays and being late:

"Sooo... pick you up at 8?"
"Umm...better make it 9. There's a rare situation in Brooklyn."

At least I THINK they said "rare." After about the 50th time they announced it, I may have started contorting the words into something that would entertain me more while sitting on a crowded subway amidst ipod-adorned corporate inpatients.

I consider myself lucky to be so easily amused. I'm working on a sports piece, so hopefully it will be done by the end of the day.

Softball game tonight! As my dad says, "KATN." Which means "kick ass and take names." Which he swears on everything is a phrase he invented. That and "Taking Care of Business." I'm not even kidding. I love that man. Who's better than him?